THE ACTIONS OF A DESERVING MAN BY KATLEGO RAMELA

THE ACTIONS OF A DESERVING MAN

With a broken smile it seems like all I can do now is cry,

For a better emotion and heal with the hope to forgive.

As swollen as my eyes are

I seek to find the strength to laugh

And consider myself stupid one last time

With the hope to move on

How do I finally release this heavy load

Get rid of it and foreget that it ever found my shoulders to lie on,

Before it became so heavy and unbearable

I thought it was a blessed challenge,

But instead it hardened the most fragile part of me

And turned me blind not to see the reality of it being,

It seems like I forced it to be a fairy tale when it was really a nightmare, you lived in my dreams,

But not pleasantly,

I was down for whatever you had to bring,

But never really realized that

My being down for whatever with you bring was slowly killing me,

I wouldnt have let you lie to me more than once

Then probably my visions of you wouldnt have shown to be blur.

I did my best to prove my love to you,

But clearly I over perfected my job.

I did it out of love for your being,

I did it out of love for your desire

Of all those abnormal actions of your being,

I wouldnt have let my mind think of you to be deserving.

Truth is;

That deserving man leaves you

With a load of regret and unforegivness,

That deserving man leaves you

Wishing you had not put up with it,

That deserving man leaves you

With the knowledge that

He wasnt really deservent

Of anything you had to give.

Happy 21st to a butterfly

Happy 21st Birthday to Miss Katlego Ramela. A phenomenal poet, dedicated writer, and exceptional butterfly.

HAPPY 21st birthday katlego Ramela

 

 

images by Mpho Marumo

KNOW YOUR BUTTERFLY: KATLEGO RAMELA

“I WRITE DEEPLY ABOUT HOW THE WORLD IS AND HOW IT REVEALS A WHOLE HUMAN, MY SEEING OF THE WORLD AND THE HUMANS IS WHAT MAKES ME A WRITER”

KATLEGO RAMELA

The Study Of Past Events- by KATLEGO RAMELA

Written black on white the study of past events I read-Black Consciousness was a way of thought and not a political movement, oppositions being silenced during the 1960’s led to the formation of the South African Student Organization (SASO) headed by Steve Biko and Barney Piyan back then still university students eagered by anger to grasp the self-respect and confidence of black people.

 

The 1976 Soweto Uprising was a rejection of Bantu Education, a rejection of white aim to prepare black people to work as unskilled laborers, not made for such inferiority a plan of action was put forward.

 

On 13 June the South Africa Student Movement came together for a discussion, planned to march on 16 June to protest against the enforced use of Afrikaans in schools. Teachers refused to teach and joined the protest.

 

The events of 16 June 1976 many were taken by the police and left in the middle of nowhere with no idea of how to get back home, if not, beaten and killed. Angry students fitted the oppressors in rubbish bins then burnt them; students jailed and ordered to walk on dead bodies paving your way to an early grave.

On that cold, tense planned morning students marched towards Orlando

Stadium, many held placards with slogans written “Release detained students”-“Afrikaans is the language of the oppressor”

When the students refused to break up the protest police tear guessed them and shot at them with ammunition, many at that moment had met their graves, young Hector Peterson.

The only protection they had were stones for defense. Police hunted and killed for those dead bodies for an unknown burial. Students protected them for a respected burial.

In one day a pool of blood was spilt and lives were lost, those who survived lived to nurse bullet injuries and of those they lost, now looking at today’s youth and how they are to this “fought for freedom and died for freedom”.

Recognize the painful events liberated youth and respect it!

A BITTER DIARY- BY KATLEGO RAMELA

A Bitter Diary

I am going through a love that I can not seem to find blessed or any way wonderful, if only I could find the strength to let go because the reason why I am holding on has left and it is never coming back, no matter how hard I will pray, I will just be hurting my pride.

It may reveal as obsession as I continue telling this tale, but truth is it is not desperation of being known and respected for what I can give, but respecting what I have….

It could be that I am holding on because I am hungry for love or I am trying to fill the gap that was left open by my past-lost love. The starve for this love has turned into a given it seems, on the other hand it seems as if it is my fairy tale and I am trying to make it come to life. I am young and I am suddenly filled with the thought that I have found my man, sounds crazy, but it is true, not the man of my dreams, but the man my heart has been longing to hold dear and respect. He is that ‘thank God for letting I know you’ and I must say I am thankful to God for that in so many ways untold.

It seemed impossible when I woke one blessed morning filled with so much respect for a man, a man who is not perfect, who is not profound and who is most definitely not a saint-I felt to love that even more. I am not perfect and this world sure is the most cruel where love is known, but not kept forever. We make wrong decisions, we fall for the wrong people and we tend to give so much that we forget about our own happiness, we wait and we debate over stupid things and we torture ourselves with faith  not practiced.

You denied me and I did not ask myself because somehow I knew my being with you is in vain, after all that showing-shortly I am still wondering around this world with you holding your hand going where ever you lead. I chose to stay because I believe you have much more to give and so much more, I can be proud of, but for now the only thing that shows are your childish ways. I believe there is more of a man in you than there is now of a boy showing senseless thought and irresponsibility of being you.

There were some days I felt the lonely times happened to be for the best. Wanting to be with him felt like it would bring me more sadness that it should happiness surrounded with the comfort of being held by him.

Many of the little things about your doings apart from what you tell me really makes me feel uncomfortable in my own heart, I do not trust it anymore because it judged you wrong. Looks like blindness found me!

Trying my best now, I sought to find the truth in the words you kept telling me all this time. I never really took some time to sit down and think about why I punish myself with you because somehow I knew it would pay off; instead, I spent that time trying to figure out how to keep your heart happy. I got lost in the second of keeping you.

A human heart loves to a certain extent, there comes a time where it wears out of love, then I know I cannot blame it for what I would be feeling, for what I wish I would do because it lost me.

You chose lying over truth and well, I chose pride over plain affection, for the sake of having the power to decide, I want out! I would rather start over. From the day we have loved each other with words to know where a decision has been made, thinking back, I say it has not been a pleasure!

I feel more bitter now than before you tried to heal me from my past and pulling me out of the world-loveless, my heart-felt strong and appreciated again and now that I do not have you I dare to see the weakness in it.

Now I had better understand the fear I am in love with of being lonely, I feel I would rather escape with it in healing than with you in hurt. I know that one day I will have to have the strength to listen to you apologise to me and tell me what I have never heard from you before, it would sound blissful, but trust me, my heart is stronger now and it can handle you being far away from it loving another soul.

I traded my own world for reality. Fake talk, that fake smile I put on, acceptance and forgiveness I gave it all up for real people, real life, a soul and a pride.

I did some soul-searching and I found myself standing at the edge of life yearning a perfect rescue, but instead I felt a hard touch waking me up from a perfect dream where only saints, angels and loving mothers lived. I woke up to a world where perfect mistakes were born, where purchased mother ship was found, where angels protected those who believe and where saints become out of choose.

I took on reality with a heart drunk on fear, but my heart eventually grew love for reality when I found me a real mind, my heart sobered. This mind thinks real, lives on real thought. This mind is real and I am keeping it for real!

A real feeling of uncertainty-I long to remain unbroken, but yet when I am broke I learn and I tend to fit the broken pieces back together as well as I knew who I used to be.

I wake up from this uncertainty and run back to reality where my focus, where I never break, out of stupidity and where I know who I am.

The journey of finding my real self began after an unpleasant know, an unprepared to hear confession of a God-fearing woman, said out of regret and anger…

DEEP CONSCIOUSNESS by Katlego Ramela

Deep Consciousness

It tells of a spirit clothed from head to foot with flow of soulful story telling, a soul that lingers in false judgment of others and still not tortured by the desire of wanting because all the things of beauty burn.

It seeks to find a certain feel of sense from others but it seeks in vain.

A spirit that walks very boldly and uniquely cannot compare the uniqueness with ordinary, it walks telling an untold tale of loss and confusion, misery and hurt on a verge of forgiving and accepting the pain of being taken for granted and criticized.

It defines a mind overflowing with wonder, a mind trying to figure out how to fit in and not occasionally face the pain of purchased mother ship.

A heart longing to be loved deservingly and not with pity of not being appreciated.

A traveling soul hoping to find sensible peace, traveling to its own kind, which there can only be one of the same made

Deep Consciousness exists within a human that within her-self has developed a state of alienation, an unusual human kind that lives by hope of being accepted and understood.

I began my journey trying to find out who I am and where I belong, the end of my journey was trying to figure out what Deep Consciousness means and when I knew and I was certain about it my journey was formed.

I came to understand that there is nothing wrong with me because I AM DEEP!

AN UNBLESSED LOVE- KATLEGO RAMELA

An unblessed love

Into love that nigh

I gave in my soul and more,

You gave in a-strength

More to commit,

In this last moment

I’m standing alone to save this love,

Leaving it to die alone

I would only be left

To smoke the ashes of it

Choking-coughing the hurt out

While singing an unheard song of regret,

I will sing

Until my sorrows are known,

In the name of our nonexistent ancestors and known God,

We were not born

To be formed as one,

But we still defended one another

From this cruel world,

It is funny how we even protected each other

From our own lies,

With the gift of protecting each other

We suffer in torture

Of battling with our own pride,

How strong that love was,

What it is and

What it would have been

A wreck is what I am left to be

Weakened by my own heart’s need

Of holding on to love,

Considering my mind and my soul’s protest

Both threatening to leave me

I felt to let go

And I did,

Now my mind whispers

“The thought of being free

Is by choice,”

I am free from your unblessed love and

My soul I keep

With the promise to pray more

For this love,

But you do not pray

So it remains not fully blessed

After I have taken you back